What to Do if You Are Lonely in Your Relationship

August 12, 2015 by

Part of the allure of a long-term relationships or marriage is the promise of always having someone who will spend time with you, support you, and rescue you from lonely feelings.

That’s why many individuals involved in marriages and serious relationships are surprised—and often concerned— when they experience feelings of loneliness and isolation. It’s an unfortunate truth that being married does not offer complete refuge from the threat of loneliness—in fact, you may experience your loneliest feelings when you are living with or married to someone.

Why Do People in Relationships Feel Lonely?

Even people in relationships that start off happy and healthy can fall victim to the danger of loneliness. In some cases, individuals become jaded in their marriage. They begin to stop investing the time, energy, and attention they once did at the beginning of their union. In other instances, one individual may feel sad, stressed, frustrated, and isolated because they cannot express their experiences and emotions adequately to their partner. It’s also common for a parent to fall victim to loneliness or abandonment issues when another parent begins devoting more attention to children, or devoting their energies to work in order to provide for the new additions.

4 Tips for Overcoming Relationship Loneliness

As devastating as loneliness can feel, there are strategies you can use to mend the feeling of disconnect. I’ve outlined # tips for overcoming relationship loneliness below.

Determine the cause. It’s important to try to determine the cause of your lonely feelings, rather than ignoring them or blaming your partner. Identifying the cause may be the first step towards addressing and solving the issue.

Talk to your partner. Holding your lonely feelings inside can be the worst thing you can do for your relationship and your own well-being. Talk to your partner, and explain how are you are feeling—you may learn that he or she is experiencing similar symptoms. If you have ideas on what your partner could do to help you, suggest these in an open and positive way.

Look outside your marriage. As wonderful as your partner may be, you can’t expect him or her to be your best friend, partner in crime, therapist, and tennis partner 24/7. To be a happy and well-rounded individual, you need friends, activities, and passions outside of your relationship. Look outside your marriage and surround yourself with friends, family members, and new experience to alleviate feelings of loneliness. Remember, it’s a heavy burden to assign to your partner alone!

Try Portland marriage therapy. When dealing with feelings of seclusion and sorrow, it is often best to reach out to a professional. Sharing your experiences with a Portland relationship counselor can be liberating and incredibly productive as you can learn practical tips and actionable strategies for dealing with the root of your problems.