Relationship Problems: Blaming Can Make Your Marriage Sick

September 12, 2011 by

Many relationship problems begin with blaming, so I found it interesting as a Portland marriage counselor when I read a recent article in ScienceNews about how blaming others makes people sick.

“Persistent bitterness may result in global feelings of anger and hostility that, when strong enough, could affect a person's physical health," says Carsten Wrosch, a professor in the Concordia University Department of Psychology.

In his research, he found connections to biological deregulation (a physiological impairment that can affect metabolism, immune response or organ function) and physical disease. Those who lay the blame for failure on external causes literally make themselves sick if the feelings are harbored over time.

Advice on Relationship Problems from Experienced Portland Marriage Counselor

I believe that blaming can not only make you sick but can make your marriage sick. By focusing on assigning fault, we forget to focus on our part in the situation – how we contributed to the problem and how we can prevent it in the future. In order to work on relationship problems, this is crucial.

You cannot force your partner to change, but you can change your behavior. If both partners are focused only on changes that need to be made to the other’s behavior, neither will be successful. But if both partners are focusing on improving their own communication skills and trying to understand their significant other’s point of view, you can prevent relationship problems in the future and work through those you do encounter in a healthier way.

In my job as a Portland marriage counselor, I work to get my clients to move past blaming and to start communicating. Call now to start working on your relationship problems.