Portland Marriage Counselor: How High Standards Influence Your Relationship

March 30, 2016 by

Has anyone ever told you that your standards are too high?

If so, your high standards could potentially be a positive or negative factor when it comes to your marriage. Let’s look at how this works.

High standards regarding caring, support, and independence within your marriage can be a good thing. But only if your marriage is strong. If you have marital issues and a higher level of indirect hostility (such as passive-aggressiveness), high standards can eat away at your marriage.


Because some people demand too much from their marriage. Their standards are so high that they don’t realize their spouse won’t ever be able to reach them due to having limited time, effort, energy, or skills.

For example, if you expect your spouse to keep the bathroom spotless on a daily, basis but he or she works long hours, your standards might be a tad too high. Eventually, if this becomes a regular problem, it could take a toll on your marriage and the two of you could start to resent one another. Perhaps you could alter your standards to keep the bathroom clean weekly instead of daily?

On the other side of the coin are the people who demand too little from their marriage. The relationship could potentially fulfill a number of their needs, but they have yet to explore those options.

An example here might be trying to be completely independent from your spouse. You got married for a reason: to have a partner help you out when you need it. Trying to take on everything by yourself – whether it’s daily chores, dealing with personal issues, making future plans, and so on – isn’t giving your marriage enough credit. When you begin to involve your partner, your marriage could start to flourish.

Have you heard the phrase, “live within your means”?

When it comes to marriage, your standards also need to be within your means. Ultimately, you should ask as much of your marriage as your marriage is able to give.

Every person and every marriage has strengths and weaknesses. And once you’re able to recognize the strengths and weaknesses within yourself, your spouse, and your marriage, you’ll be able to establish the standards that will work best for your unique situation.

If you and your spouse need to reevaluate your own standards, reach out to a Portland marriage counselor today.