Portland Marriage Counselor asks You to Think before You Text

September 1, 2010 by

I have been a Portland marriage counselor for 30 years. I have seen the impact of technology on romantic relationships. In its best use, electronic communications can be a great way to check in during the day and at its worst it can unnecessarily ruin a relationship.  Texts and emails can never replace intimate face-to-face communication. Couples need to see one another body language and hear the tone of voice that accompanies a message. Without these it is easy to jump read more into a message than it actually conveys. Read on to see some relationship tips that could save you some grief.

Relationship Tips from a Portland Marriage Counselor


  • Do use text messaging a reasonable amount. Many people tire of the bombardment of messages. Even loving ones. Plus they are usually not free.
  • Do only send positive messages by text. Sweet hellos are wonderful to receive, as are a single word of phrase such as KISS, miss you, or love you.
  • Do respond quickly when your sweetie sends you a text.
  • Do send little updates such as when you are going to get home or that you are going to the store, just keep it brief. Again, if you are apart it is because you are doing separate things and shouldn’t insert yourself to much into your partner’s day.


  • Don’t have a fight via text messages. Believe this Portland marriage counselor when I tell you that it will only go south. Plus it says to your partner that you can’t be bothered with calling. If you do start quarreling over the text, stop texting and call your partner.
  • Don’t make texts your main form of communication. Pick up the phone. It is more personal.
  • Don’t break up through a text. It does happen I have seen it many times. Be a grown up and talk it out. Better yet if you are thinking of breaking up, get some help.  You can have a free telephone consultation with a Portland marriage counselor to see if we can be of help.
  • Don’t use texts to say something you are afraid to say in person. Instead learn communication tools that can increase your connection in a way texts will never do.

Looking for more advice from a Portland marriage counselor go to our free resources page now.