Meeting an Ex? Skip the Meal, says Portland Marriage Counselor

August 1, 2012 by

This Portland marriage counselor advises that if you are in a committed relationship and plan to meet up with an ex-romantic interest, you need to stick with coffee and fore-go dining. Researchers have found that sharing a meal sparks significantly more jealousy than meeting that same person for coffee.

In today’s world many people who dated, or even those who were once married, remain friends after the break-up.  However, if you wish to keep peace at home, pay attention to this research.

Researchers found that for both men and women, feelings of alarm rise when a spouse or partner is dining with an ex. From your partner’s perspective its not “just lunch”, it is a rendezvous.

Portland Marriage Counselor Wants You to Be Sensitive

Even if you are meeting up with someone of the opposite sex with whom there has never been a romantic relationship, you should keep it at coffee. As a relationship counselor I can tell you that I see a higher level of alarm and jealousy when there is a meal involved. For couples who are attuned to relationship risks, this study suggests that men and women who "do lunch" run the risk of a jealous spouse or partner at home.

While meals can strengthen social relationships, they can also destroy committed relationships. We all have radar that signals us when there is a behavior that could threaten our relationship. Granted, we all have unique signals and we aren’t always right. But if your partner feels threatened by your choices you need to be sensitive and respectful. Your partner trusts you with their heart. Earn that trust by listening and responding. If your communication struggles, consider attending our workshops or sessions.