Marriage Retreats Prevent Affairs, Says Portland Marriage Counselor

April 25, 2013 by

On the day of their wedding, I don’t think a single one of my Portland marriage counselor clients expected that they would have an affair in the future, yet that’s the reason far too many of them come to see me.

How do we let this happen in our relationships?

Almost always, the problem is that we convince ourselves that things are okay until it’s too late to take back what’s happened. Even when things aren’t perfect in a relationship, it’s far too easy to shrug off relationship help with defensiveness.

When someone tells us we need to listen to each other more, we argue that we’re doing that. If they suggest things like date nights, positive interactions, and so on, we say of course! That’s something we’re attempting, but it’s not always possible in a hectic life.

The problem is that by allowing this to occur, we get further locked into our own worlds and cut off from our significant others. We’re completely confident that nothing truly bad, like an affair, will occur—even when we start having feelings for our sexy neighbor or cute coworker. After all, what do the feelings matter unless you act on them?

Portland Marriage Counselor: Ask Yourself Why You’re Having Feelings for Others

The problem is that feelings like that don’t just come from nowhere. You have to ask why you’re feeling this unexpected attraction. And perhaps more importantly, why you’re keeping those feelings from your partner if you were really as confident as you think you are.

Being attracted to someone besides our spouse is almost always our brain’s way of telling us that we aren’t getting something we need from our relationship. But whose fault is that, really? Have you communicated your needs to your partner? Do you even know what those needs are?

We’re taught to do things like avoid conflict and “suck it up,” but when you practice this with your partner, it will just lead to some kind of bigger explosion, like an affair, and to you needing even more relationship help.

Retreats Teach You to Communicate, Says Portland Marriage Counselor

The key is learning how to talk to your partner about these very uncomfortable feelings and topics. Doing this on your own can be terrifying, but it’s often easier when you’re in a setting where such things are expected.

Marriage retreats can help you do this not just because they teach you how, but also because they provide you with the opportunity to get it all out there. If you’re interested in learning more about how marriage retreats can help, contact a Portland marriage counselor today.