Marriage Counselors see problems with "And the Two Shall Become One"

June 7, 2010 by

Marriage counselors often hear a couple’s pain over unmet expectations. “And the two shall become one…” words that most of us have heard from the Bible at a wedding ceremony, exemplify some common expectations. Does this mean that our marriage union will become the focus of our lives?  What happens when partners have different ideas about their union? Sometimes it can really come down to going to church and visiting the in-laws on Sunday vs. sleeping in and reading the newspaper over brunch. For others different expectations are much more devastating. We may feel our partner tricked us or fooled us and we are full of despair. Regardless of the degree of differences between partners it is never too late to make love last a lifetime. Marriage counselors know that this is your challenge—to build and enrich our relationship day by day. This is your learning curve as a couple.

To do this requires that we make regular deposits into our relationship bank account. It requires that we become curious about our partners needs and desires. As we work toward the notion of “becoming one” in a committed partnership we ultimately learn to “have each other’s backs”. A relationship tip that can save you aguish is to remember “to feel like one, takes two”.  We need to individually contribute to the good of us both.

Marriage counselors know the importance of secure feelings in relationships

Susan Johnson, creator of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy states it this way, “in times of distress we need to know that we can turn towards our partner and he or she will be there for me”. Many of us didn’t learn or receive a secure attachment with our parents in childhood. If we did not have a stable and secure childhood then when we move into marriage we become defended, anxious and insecure which brings tremendous stress to our marriage.

The good news is it doesn’t have to doom your relationship! If you didn’t learn it in childhood, you can learn it in your marriage. “Becoming one” means you can learn to have each other’s backs. You can learn to build, repair, restore and enrich your marriage and deepen your committed partnership. A great way to learn this is to take the “Getting the Love You Want” Couples Workshop. Follow this link for “upcoming dates”. Marriage counselors can help you with many relationship tips. Take the advice of professionals and ask yourself, “what can I do to feel closer to my partner today?”