Get Past “Irreconcilable Differences” in Portland Relationship Counseling

March 16, 2013 by

In a recent Portland relationship counseling blog, I wrote about what people mean when they cite “irreconcilable differences” as a reason for divorce. The specific reasons (money, parenting, sex) can vary, but it boils down to two real issues: they fight too much, or they feel that they’ve drifted apart.

Luckily, there is marriage help available for both of these issues, though that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s going to be easy. If you want to save your marriage, you have to prioritize it, and you have to realize that your relationship with your spouse is separate from the rest of your life – no matter how closely everything seems to be intertwined.

Portland Relationship Counseling: Getting That “Separate” Relationship

What does it mean that your relationship with your spouse has to be separate from everything else? Well, too often husbands and wives “make time” for each other without actually taking the focus away from the rest of the things going on in their lives. That just doesn’t cut it. If it’s about you and your spouse, make it about you and your spouse.

Take time for dates. I see it all too often with my Portland relationship counseling clients. They’d love to go out like they used to when they were single, but where are they supposed to find the time? It doesn’t matter how you do it, just do it. You need to go out and have fun together to remind yourselves of the connection that you have.

Put away distractions. When you are together, don’t check email or texts or surf the net on your phone. If you’re too tempted by distractions, remove them from the situation altogether so you can focus on the person in front of you.

Get away from the kids. Lots of parents today feel guilty if they go anywhere without their kids, but you have to move past that. A little time away is healthy for you, and it’s healthy for them. Plus, you can’t really have a romantic time with your spouse when the kids are with you. Use a sitter, call grandma, or switch off with other parent friends.

Considering Divorce? Go to Portland Relationship Counseling

Anyone thinking about divorce needs professional marriage help if they want to stay together. And not just any help – you need to work with a therapist that is pro-marriage.

Outside of abusive relationships, I don’t believe that anyone should get divorced, and I never see it as something that’s inevitable. But if you come to Portland relationship counseling, one of the first things you’ll learn is that maintaining a relationship is hard work – the best hard work you’ve ever done.