Divorce Doesn’t Need to Happen

October 13, 2010 by

To get a divorce because love has died, is like selling your car because it ran out of gas. All romantic relationships run out of gas for two reasons. First because we buy into the myth that if the people are right for one another then there the partnership will take care of itself. Secondly, we never learned how to refuel the marriage.

As a marriage counselor in Portland Oregon I have seen hundreds of couples who were at the brink of dissolving their marriage because they had simply stopped treating one another like lovers. Here is some good relationship advice: If you stop acting like lovers, then love disappears. We act like lovers when we reach out, plan dates, show affection and have fun together.

Ending a marriage can be devastating to both parties emotionally, physically and financially. Children suffer, extended families suffer and both spouses suffer. A study at Ohio State University showed, “Divorce causes a decrease in wealth that is larger than just splitting a couple’s assets in half.  By the same token, married people see an increase in wealth that is more than just adding the assets of two single people. Divorce drops a person's wealth by an average of 77%.  Contrary to popular belief, the research shows that the wealth of divorced women wasn't significantly worse than that of divorced men, in terms of real money. If you really want to increase your wealth, get married and stay married.”

Marriage is the hardest thing you will ever do. The secret is removing divorce as an option.

This Portland Oregon Marriage Counselor agrees with the relationship advice above given by actor Will Smith. He further remarked that if couples have break up as an option, they will use it. You might wonder what you can do besides consider or threaten legal action. You might even feel trapped by this advice. But consider this, if you could make a huge difference in the happiness of your marriage, wouldn’t you rather repair the ruptures and stay?

If you are considering separation, remember that refilling the relationship gas tank takes deliberate actions. You will need better communication. You must make your marriage the biggest priority in your life. You will have to learn and develop more tolerance, compassion, patience and love in your heart. You will have to do some changing because it takes both.

To prevent a divorce consider seeking help from a Portland Oregon Marriage Counselor. To find a well trained professional, please visit our website. To repair the damage and learn skills you may need to attend marriage education. Information on both of these services is available on our website.