Dating after Divorce: Relationship Advice from a Portland Marriage Counselor

January 8, 2013 by

Anyone who has been reading my Portland marriage counselor blog regularly knows that I believe most marriages can be saved if both people are willing to put in the time and effort to do so. Often after divorce, you will simply find that the problems you had with your ex follow you to your new relationship!

If you’re recently divorced, it’s best to wait until you’re absolutely sure that you’re ready to begin dating again. What good is it to start something new if you’re just going to be bringing old problems with you?

Portland Marriage Counselor: Fix Yourself before Finding Someone New

Instead of jumping right into the arms of a different person and thinking everything is going to be great forever, spend some time going over what went wrong with your last relationship – and why. As much as you may like to believe it was all your ex’s fault, two people are involved in every relationship, and no one can change how you act and react but you. A singles workshop is a way to help understand what you contribute to problems in an intimate relationship. On our website upcoming workshops and dates are listed.

Some recently divorced people seek relationship advice from professionals like me, but you can also work on changes on your own. As you get your new life set up, there’s going to be a lot to sort through. You’ll need to figure out where you’re going to live and whether or not you’ll need to work. If you have children, there will be custody arrangements to work out and a new relationship with your ex to define.

All of that is going to be emotionally draining, so I recommend that people wait until the entire divorce process is over before dating. Otherwise you might find yourself putting your new partner in uncomfortable positions much earlier in the relationship than you’d like.

You Can Always Get Relationship Advice from a Portland Marriage Counselor

Of course, everyone has their own internal schedule of when they feel like they are ready to begin dating again. If you discover that you haven’t quite worked through your feelings about your divorce and they are impacting your new relationship, you can always get help from a Portland marriage counselor.