Saving Your Marriage by Reigniting the Romance

March 28, 2011 by

Saving your marriage by bringing back the romance is something that will take time, effort, and a lot of love. Working with a professional marriage counselor can make this task easier and more enjoyable, while giving you the necessary tools to keep your marriage fresh even after the counseling is through. But before you can start working on getting the romance back, you need to know what happened to it in the first place.

Saving Your Marriage: Where Did the Romance Go?

As a Portland marriage counselor, I know that, when you are first falling in love with someone, many people experience a feeling of euphoria and completeness. This is expressed scientifically as a huge dose of phenylethylalamine surging to your brain. Everything your partner does seems wonderful and magical, and there’s a largely unconscious expectation that they will meet all of your needs. However, when you commit to each other and neither partner can reach the impossible standard of meeting all of the other partner’s needs, problems arise. You start to feel unwanted, abandoned – unloved. Arguments and fights are likely to increase in number and severity. You start to seek relationship advice and think about saving your marriage – is it possible?

Saving Your Marriage by Reconnecting

These negative feelings, arguments, and fights are not fundamental threats to saving your marriage; the only threat is if you fail at reconnecting with each other. Instead of fighting and manipulating to get what you want out of the relationship – a “solution” that never works long-term – show empathy for your partner in giving them what they need while compassionately asking them to fulfill your needs by turning your complaints into requests. As a Portland marriage counselor, I offer relationship advice and teach couples how to do this in safety and with respect through things like showing your appreciation for each other, caring for one another, having fun, and introducing pleasurable surprises. In no time, the romance will return, your relationship will become a source of safety, fulfillment, and joy, and you’ll be well on your way to saving your marriage.