Save Your Marriage: Change Your Partner By Changing Yourself

June 14, 2011 by

Save your marriage by focusing on the negative thoughts you’re feeling towards your partner and replacing them with a happy, positive memory of that person the next time a fight feels like it’s about to begin. Relationship problems are always a two-way street, and can be alleviated or made worse by either person. Often, however, we only see the annoying things our spouse is doing, and not how our feelings and behaviors might be encouraging the very things that annoy us!

Get Help from a Portland Marriage Counselor to Save Your Marriage

If your relationship problems with your significant other only seem to be getting worse, seek out a marriage counselor to help save your marriage. A marriage counselor can show you how making an internal change in your attitude can create external changes in your partner’s attitude.

It may seem strange to say that you can help save your marriage simply by changing how you think about it. We’ve been trained to only look at and try to alter outward relationship problems – behavior – but if the thoughts that cause your feelings and behaviors stay the same, all you’re doing is covering up the problems. A marriage counselor can help you root out those “source beliefs” and concentrate on the positive associations you have for your loved one.

Deeper Relationships Make for Deeper Problems

A marriage counselor will tell you that the more you care for a person, the harder it will be to overcome your relationship problems and save your marriage. Though this seems intuitively wrong, it’s all about expectations. When we first meet someone, we see them as an individual, and all of the amazing things that they are. We can appreciate them as a separate entity. But as soon as we place a role of special importance on them – spouse, lover, soulmate – we create an image of that person in our minds that they can’t possibly live up to. This leads to disappointment, pain, heartbreak – basically, relationship problems.

It is only by going into your deepest thought processes about your significant other and changing what you expect them to be that you can finally save your marriage by appreciating them for who they actually are. Let us help you change how you think, how you feel and how you treat one another. Check out our Free Resources today.