Relationship Problems: What to Do If You Think Your Spouse Is Cheating

August 15, 2011 by

Afraid your relationship problems mean your spouse is having an affair? The first sign of an infidelity is often a simple feeling that something just isn’t right in your relationship. Maybe you find yourself waiting more and more for your spouse to come home, or wonder why they’ve stopped being as affectionate as they used to be. Perhaps they’ve inexplicably started going to the gym more and are dressing nicer. They say nothing’s wrong, but you just don’t know.

The worst thing that you can do when you have suspicions like this is ignore them. Worry, anger, and resentment will build up inside you, causing increasingly worse relationship problems. Unfortunately, an outright accusation is just as likely to bring more problems because your spouse will be upset that you don’t trust them.

If you have suspicions like the ones above, try to take a step back and think rationally. While it’s possible that your partner is having an affair, their actions could just as easily be the result of stress at work, other marriage issues you haven’t dealt with, or even depression.

Learn How to Assess Relationship Problems in Counseling

The same techniques you would learn in couples counseling to deal with other relationship problems apply here. Talk to your partner about the changes you see happening in your marriage and how those changes make you feel. You might learn of some other underlying issues and be able to solve them simply by talking.

If they try to brush off your concerns, however, it could be a sign that they are trying to avoid the topic. This still doesn’t mean that there is infidelity, but it is a sign that something deeper could be going on.

At this point, there are two ways for you to find out the truth. The first is to be more observant of your spouse’s behavior and discretely double check their alibis for any time they’ve spent away. Unfortunately, this way can lead to further trust issues and relationship problems, regardless of the outcome. If you discover your spouse is cheating and didn’t tell you themselves, you’ll likely never trust them again. And if your spouse finds out that you’re checking up on them, they might lose all trust for you.

The other, and probably better option is to tell your spouse that you feel like you need to start going to counseling. You’ll be able to freely speak about relationship problems and fears there in a way that will give both of you the opportunity to open up and hopefully reveal any secrets you’ve been keeping. And a trained couples counselor can teach you how to deal with any feelings of hurt or betrayal that come out of the sessions.

If you want to save your marriage, not just uncover the truth, try couples counseling today to work through your relationship problems.