Relationship Issues: What Men and Women Want in a Mate

December 30, 2015 by

As long as humans have been walking the Earth, there have been certain common dynamics to the relationship between a man and a woman.

As social and cultural influencers change, so too do our needs and desires. One hundred years ago, a man looked for a young woman who could provide him children. Today, men and women have an equal say in who they choose to date, marry, and possibly make a family with.

Because men and women of today are on an even playing field (in regards to choosing one another), it’s hard to pinpoint exactly which things members of each sex looks for in a mate. In fact, study after study after study has found that it’s not about “what men want” or “what women want,” but rather what we want as people and individuals.

Here are some of the most common answers that both sexes give about what they seek in a potential mate.

  1. A Sense of Trust

    Most married people, when asked, will say that they “just felt comfortable” with the other person. This is a huge indicator that the relationship is going well, or that the couple does not have serious relationship problems. It’s also what most people, consciously or subconsciously, look for. If something just doesn’t click with a person, it usually revolves around not being able to trust the person, or never feeling truly “at home.”

  1. Life Force

    No matter what a person looks like (although everyone prefers a pretty face), some people just exude energy, happiness, and an ineffable life force. These are the people that we seek when we want a life partner; the people who are going to be there for us, be happy, and make our days better. Regardless of sex, this is a common thread.

  1. Ability to Provide

    Whatever it is you need to be provided, whether unconditional love, unlimited backrubs, or financial provisions, human beings naturally seek someone who can provide what they need. Of course, too much stress on providing for another person financially can lead to relationship issues.

Finding someone is not always easy, but keep in mind these three main components and you may be able to target the type of person that is more suited to your needs and desires – not as a man or woman, but as a human.

If you are having trouble finding the right person for you because you’re not sure what you’re looking for, or if you are having relationship issues and worry your current partner may not be right for you, a Portland relationship counselor may be able to help.