Relationship Help: Strengthen Your Relationship without a Word

April 1, 2015 by

When it comes to a healthy relationship, communication is critical—I can’t stress that enough. Marriage success hinges on secure bonding from good communication, and lack of communication is one of the leading causes of divorce.

However, if you are feeling particularly emotional, angry, or irrational, it can be difficult to have a calm discussion or even be in the same room as your spouse or partner. When you find yourself in this emotional situation, it’s perfectly natural to want to give yourself time to cool down.

As you allow your emotions to cool, there are ways that you can foster a more open and optimistic perspective, so you can communicate with your spouse constructively when you are ready.

Below I’ve listed ways you can strengthen your relationship without even saying a word to your partner.

Reminisce. Look through old letters, emails, and photos from happy times, such as a vacation, your wedding, or when you first met. If you have a wedding video, I highly recommend pulling it out and watching it. Reminiscing over mementoes of your love can remind you that the person you loved is still with you—even if they act differently at times.

Write a list of things you love. Write a list of at least 10 things you love about your partner, which can help you unearth affectionate feelings that may be buried beneath anger or frustration.

Write a list of what you can improve on. While focusing on your partner’s negative qualities can be detrimental, taking a look at what you can do to improve your relationship can be very constructive. You can’t change your partner’s behavior, but you can change your own.

Surround yourself with positive friends. Talk to friends that know and like your spouse, since they’ll offer an outsider’s perspective on his or her positive traits. Avoid venting to friends who you know will take your side and talk poorly about your spouse with you, as this can inflame upset and angry feelings even more.

Write a positive letter. Write a letter to your spouse that expresses gratitude for all the things he or she has done to make you happy. You don’t have to show the letter to your spouse, but making a list of the positive things your partner has brought to the relationship can remind you why you are in it in the first place.

Visit a relationship counselor. An experienced Portland relationship counselor can provide you with relationship help by listening when you are too upset to speak with your partner and helping you understand why you feel the way you do. After identifying the problem, your counselor can help you come up with solutions that can benefit you, your partner, and your relationship overall.