Relationship Advice: Keep Your Nagging Under Control

November 10, 2011 by

The relationship advice I offered in a previous article was to appreciate the positive sides of nagging. It can help you to be healthier, more productive, and more organized. But despite its many benefits, excessive nagging can also be a major source of conflict in a relationship.  After all, no one likes being criticized.

So does that mean you should just sit back and accept the fact that your spouse will just never help with the dishes or start exercising? No way! There are many ways that you can communicate to your partner without resorting to complaining.

Ask nicely. Recognize that your partner can’t read your mind, and a room that seems messy to you may seem perfectly acceptable to your spouse. Instead of starting out with an attack, check your anger. This will just put your spouse into a defensive mode and make it hard for him or her to hear what you have to say. At Portland Relationship Center we can teach you a process to ask for what you need without blaming, shaming or criticizing.

Consider hiring a maid service. If you’re both working professionals and you’re having trouble dividing up the household chores, part of the problem might be that neither of you really have time. Asking for professional help may also make your partner realize that the housework is too much for just one person to handle.

Say thank you. Every time your spouse forgets to do a task you’ve nagged him or her about, you make it a point to let him know how you feel about it, but what about the times that your partner does things right? Most people are more motivated by positive feedback than negative feedback, so lavish on the praise!

Consider your partner’s point-of-view. If you bombard your spouse the moment she walks in the door from work, she may find the request overwhelming. Or maybe you’re bringing it up during an important football game or too early in the morning. Think about what’s the best time to bring it up – for your partner, not just for you!

Get relationship advice from a Portland marriage counselor. If you’re still having trouble talking about what’s bugging you, consider seeking professional help. You can both learn to communicate better about all the issues you face together. Call our offices today for the relationship advice you need.