To avoid a sexless marriage experts are adamant that you must not only sleep together, but go to bed at the same time.  In our language “sleeping together” and “going to bed together” are code words for sex. So why do so many couples have different bedtime routines? The way you manage bedtime can help you to avoid destructive relationship issues, or can cause some.

In my professional marriage counseling I have heard all sorts of reasons for sleeping apart or going to bed at different times (and been guilty of my own set of excuses). People blame their snoring, insomnia and different biorhythms. But when couples tell me that their marriage has become sexless and distant I ask them about their bedtime rituals.  Almost always they report for one reason or another that they retire at different times and even in different beds.

Dr. William Doherty who wrote Take back Your Marriage says, “The first phase of a dance is being on the dance floor together at the same time, next to each other.”  There are ways around all of the problems that make it more comfortable to sleep apart. The fact is, if you want more sex, fun and intimacy in your marriage you must be willing to stop putting your own needs first all of the time and think about what the relationship needs. Imagine what going to bed together most nights, in the nude, could do for your sense of connection. Talking, snuggling and kissing for a few minutes each night, sans clothing, could turn any sexless marriage into a sexy romance. Plus…it might just cure your insomnia, make you sleep like a baby and make your tolerance for a noisy and restless partner much higher.