Portland Relationship Therapist: 5 Ways Couples Move on after Infidelity

October 26, 2016 by

For many couples, adultery can feel like a final straw, with no solution but divorce.

However, infidelity can be forgiven, and there are couples that have moved on from the event to lead a happy, loving marriage.

If your marriage has recently been shaken by infidelity and you believe you need professional help, contact a Portland marriage coach today.

In the meantime, consider the following methods that couples have used to not only mend their relationship, but make it stronger going forward:

Feel your feelings.

Emotions run high after an incident of infidelity, but life still continues.

Many people tend to suppress their feelings out of embarrassment or shame. However, denying the feelings you have will only cause more damage down the road.

It’s okay to feel hurt, embarrassed, upset, or angry after you or your spouse cheats. Riding these feelings out will help you recover faster.

Maintain perspective.

One event should and cannot define an entire marriage. Focusing solely on the infidelity will only serve to breed negative emotions and feelings toward your spouse (or yourself).

Look at your marriage as a whole, and all of the loving, positive things that have occurred throughout your time together. Keeping these positive feelings in mind will make it easier to fall back in love with your spouse.

Forge a deeper connection.

Infidelity typically comes from dissatisfaction in a marriage, and the needs of each spouse not being met.

Work on improving your marriage by going deeper and finding more intimacy than you had before the infidelity. Making this connection stronger will help prevent future cheating, and can also make remember why you and your spouse were such a good match in the first place.

Put off final decisions.

In the moment, your intense emotions may cause you to think about separation, divorce, or retaliation. Let yourself go through these strong feeling before making decisions that could severely impact (or end) your marriage.

Seek professional help.

Infidelity is a traumatic event for many people. Some individuals or couples can be leery of seeking therapy, but it can be extremely beneficial in helping you move past the infidelity and continue having a strong, loving marriage.

Therapists can provide help for you as an individual, or for you and your spouse as a couple. A Portland relationship therapist can help discover the root causes of your infidelity, provide skills to forgive and move past the event, and give you the tools to prevent similar conflicts or infidelity in the future.