Portland Relationship Counselor Says Make Time to Avoid Affairs, Part II

February 24, 2011 by

Avoiding affairs takes more than good intentions. Being a Portland relationship counselor taught me that you must make regular deposits into the relationship savings account. Couples need to face the obstacles to spending time together, and remove the obstacles before damage is done. As  I continue the series I share liberally here from the book, Take back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World that Pulls Us Apart, by Bill Doherty.

Today let’s look at the ways in which children create challenges to finding time together. First off let me say that the most important gift you can give your children is to stay married. I emphasis that last statement because my years as a Portland relationship counselor have taught me that parents mistakenly believe that giving their kids piano lessons, private schools, tutors or ski camps and always putting them first is the best thing that they can do for them. Wrong. Well educated and well rounded children of divorced parents are just that; children of divorced parents. They will suffer every difficulty that any person suffers when their family breaks up.

Portland Relationship Counselor Says Try These Strategies for Reclaiming Your Marriage

1.    Limit your family’s outside activities so that you have family time and couple time. Do not bow to peer’s nor children’s pressure. Remember, what is the greatest gift you can give your children?

2.    Have fixed and reasonable bedtimes for your children and stick to the schedule. Make it early enough so that you have couple time.

3.    Unless it is vital to do so, don’t let your children interrupt your conversations. Ask them respectfully to come back when you have finished talking.

4.    Do not do for your children what they can do for themselves.  Don’t hover during homework. Be available to help, but when help isn’t necessary, go visit with one another.

5.    Carve out private space. Teach your kids that if the bedroom door is closed they need to knock and wait. It’s not that you will be in there making love while they are awake and out of bed, but rather that you may be in conversation, you may not be fully dressed, etc. When they are accustomed to you having personal space they will leave you be for 15 minutes so you can go in your room and talk.

6.    Get sitters regularly and go out on a date! Again, you are teaching them that you two have a very special relationship. You take the time to look good, make special plans and prioritize one another. When you can, go away for the weekend alone.

7.    Get relationship help if you need it. Call a Portland relationship counselor and schedule a time to learn tools to last a life time. Attend a marriage education seminar for the same purpose. Treasure your marriage. You are incredibly lucky to have each other. Don’t take it for granted!

Visit our website if you need help finding a Portland relationship counselor, and don’t forget to check out our free resources.