Portland Relationship Counselor: Don’t Fret Over These Problems

April 8, 2015 by

Not all relationship struggles are cause for alarm.

In fact, many of the couples I see come to me with problems that are perfectly normal for people in healthy relationships.

Of course, just because problems are normal doesn’t mean they are unimportant or easy. Relationships can be frustrating and difficult, and many common problems can be solved with the right tools. Below, I’ve listed five of the many common relationship problems that can be addressed, solved, or simply accepted with the help of a relationship counselor.

You don’t always feel butterflies. After being in a relationship for a long time, you may notice that you’ve lost many of the initial feelings of euphoria and infatuation you felt towards your partner when you first met. This a normal part of a maturing relationship, where feelings of infatuation transform into something deeper and more enduring.

You occasionally find your spouse boring. After becoming close with someone, we hear all of their stories, opinions, and jokes—often times many times over. Don’t worry. There are many ways to stir things up with your relationship, from going on a trip to Portugal to taking an improv class to reading the latest New York Times bestseller.

You wish you had alone time. It’s perfectly normal not to want to spend every waking moment of every day with your spouse. Give yourself time to miss each other by having your own interests and social life, in addition to the activities and friends you share.

You sometimes wonder if you made a mistake. If you’ve ever wondered what life would be like if you were with someone else, or if you hadn’t married at all, you’re not alone. Don’t feel guilty—just remember that it’s normal to have these kinds of fantasies from time to time. Let these thoughts come into and leave your mind naturally without dwelling on them or trying to push them away.

You don’t always understand each other. He loves spicy food, but you can’t stand it. She insists on making the bed every morning, while you don’t see the point. You can’t be on the same page about everything, no matter how long you’ve known and loved each other. When you form a relationship with someone, you don’t become that other person, so you can’t expect to be able to see the world from their point of view.

Worried about your relationship? Not sure if your marriage troubles are commonplace or more serious? Talk to a Portland relationship counselor, who can provide insight into you and your partner’s unique situation and offer you powerful techniques for keeping your relationship healthy and strong as it evolves.