Portland Relationship Counselor Discusses Why Affairs Happen

October 8, 2014 by

Typically, an affair is a sign that something else is wrong in your relationship – it is not merely a desire to wander. Luckily, you can identify the issues that commonly lead to affairs and work on fixing those issues before they become problematic.

The most common issues that lead to affairs are issues of inattention, ingratitude, lack of interest in sex, or a mismatch in sexual drives or desires. There may be more specific issues in a relationship that can lead to a wandering eye; for these, a Portland relationship counselor can help you work out strategies to fix your conflicts. To get started, consider these tips:

  1. Communicate, communicate, communicate. This is by far the most important issue a couple should work on. If two partners find it impossible to communicate with one another, problems will never be addressed and can fester into more difficult issues. Make it safe for your partner to share with you. Do not judge what they say, but instead, listen attentively.
  2. Show regular interest in one another. This can be as simple as asking how your partner is when you’re both home at the end of the day. Ask questions about their work or the kids. Be curious about your partner, and allow them to feel open to sharing. Let them know you care about the details of their life.
  3. Grow sexually together. Expand your sexual skills, and explore each other’s fantasies and desires. If it seems like you’re both always too busy to make time for sex, consider setting up a regular sex date once a week. Be open and honest with each other regarding your desires and sex drives. Never force or guilt the other into sex; make sure it is something you both want and enjoy.
  4. Build a life independent of each other. Allow yourselves time to miss each other. Have a fun night out with your friends, and allow your partner to do the same. When you see each other again, make sure to openly and warmly appreciate your partner.

With these simple tips, you can begin to build a relationship that is based on healthy sexual attitudes, respect, and communication, making an affair far less likely to occur.