Portland Marriage Counselor: Weddings Aren’t All about You

September 10, 2013 by

As a Portland marriage counselor, I’d be the first person to tell you how personal and special your wedding day should be. It’s your day to bind yourself to the person you love for the rest of your life and declare how you feel about them to the world.

But in a society where we expect and arguably even celebrate “bridezillas” and the like, it’s important to remember that the wedding is about a lot more than just you, and thinking otherwise can cause relationship problems in a number of ways.

Your Guests Are Putting Their Lives on Hold for You, Says Portland Marriage Counselor

I always tell people that if they want the wedding to be all about them, they should elope. And I don’t say that sarcastically. I have friends who have eloped and had the most beautiful ceremonies, but obviously it’s not for everyone. And once you start inviting people, you had better think about them.

After all, think about what you’ve had to go through for friends’ and relatives’ weddings in the past. Buying a new suit or dress. Buying a gift. Giving up your time. Spending vacation days (and money) to travel.

Now, no one is suggesting that you have to create a day that’s going to involve each guest and make every single person happy, but closing everyone out and demanding that everything be done your way or else is a sure path to resentment.

According to Portland Marriage Counselor, Involving In-Laws Is Especially Important

More than anything, a wedding is about two families coming together. Many couples have trouble seeing this. They understand that they are committing to their husband or wife, but they don’t quite grasp the fact they they’re also committing to and buying into each other’s families.

Who are you going to turn to when you have kids? When you’re close to being able to afford the house of your dreams, but need just a bit more for the down payment? When one of you becomes seriously ill? Most turn to their families, but if you push them away now, they might not be there when you need them.

This is especially true for your in-laws, and working hard to include them and show your appreciation for them during your wedding will go a long way towards minimizing relationship problems in the future.

Want some tips on how to make your in-laws feel like they’re a part of this celebration of your love? Talk to a Portland marriage counselor today and create a wedding that’s all-inclusive.