Portland Marriage Counselor Tells Couples How to Stay Connected

August 4, 2011 by

This Portland marriage counselor knows that relationship success hinges on secure bonding from good communication. Communication breakdown is the number one reason for divorce. Romantic partners must do many things to get the message of love across to their partner. A secure bond helps to divorce-proof your relationship. All communication is not verbal. Couples communicate through words, touch, feelings and actions. If you do well in all four categories, your marriage will be happy.

Boost Your Bond says Portland Marriage Counselor

Couples counseling in Portland has taught me that all means of communication are important. Daily we use words as an attempt to connect. As a long time Portland marriage counselor, I know that words are easily misinterpreted and terrible disagreements can follow. Learn to speak in a way that doesn’t hurt or insult your partner. Make certain you understand your partner correctly before responding. Communication is meant to bond you, not alienate you. If you have trouble in this area, consider a skills class, a workshop or private help.

Communicating through touch should be done daily. Sex, cuddling, a caress, holding hands, a hug, are all bonding. Remember that negative communication occurs in touch as well, and it can break down the bond. Pushing your partner away when they reach out, turning away in bed to convey displeasure, a kick under the table…all of these messages say, “I don’t approve of you.” As a long time marriage counselor in Portland I know that ignoring this area is very dangerous. If your touch has broken down, do not hesitate to get help.

Actions speak louder than words. Be active together. Compete together on the same team. Play a game or sport. Golf, soccer or charades, it doesn’t matter. They all bring cohesion. Laugh together. Go to a comedy club, or watch a funny movie. Like touch, laughing releases oxytocin, the most powerful bonding hormone.

In my Portland marriage counseling experience I see that couples who share feelings without blame or criticism, stay close. Humans are meant to share their feelings in order to create the bond of empathy. If this is a challenge for you try seeing a Portland marriage counselor. Feelings will connect or destroy a perfectly good relationship.
Think of communication like fruits and vegetables and make sure you have a variety of 5-7 servings per day! Check out our Free Resource page for more tips.