Portland Marriage Counselor: 4 Signs Your Job is Hurting Your Relationship

July 2, 2014 by

It’s no secret that being a workaholic can take a heavy toll on even the happiest marriage. Those that are married to workaholics tend to find themselves feeling estranged and therefore less likely to express affection. Even someone who isn’t a full-blown workaholic may find it difficult to leave work at the office with the trappings of modern technology – with work emails sent straight to your cell phone, it may feel like your boss smuggled home with you in your pocket!

Not sure if your work life is impacting your marriage? Check out these signs below.

1. Your bedroom looks exactly like your office. Work papers are spread out on your nightstand. There’s a blue glow from your laptop, a spreadsheet open. Your phone vibrates constantly with messages from your boss or the new client you’re trying to land. Sound familiar? If your bedroom could easily be mistaken for your workplace, it can drive a wedge between you and your partner. Keep your work papers, electronics, and other distracting devices in another room. Your bedroom should solely be used for sleeping, relaxing, and reconnecting with your partner.

2. You use work to avoid household chores. Can’t possibly do the dishes because you have to call back a client? Refuse to pick up the kids from daycare because of continual meetings? Claim you’ve worked too late all week to even consider helping clean your house on the weekends? When you let your work life sap all of your energy, your partner can end up feeling overwhelmed, resentful, and heavily burdened. If your job really is so stressful you can’t bear the thought of even light dusting, it may be time to rethink your career.

3. Your routinely go over your scheduled work hours. Is Saturday just another work day for you? Have you had take-out at your desk so often you can’t remember what your spouse’s cooking tastes like? Do you get home and find your kids already fast asleep? While occasionally having to work overtime is expected, routinely spending more time than necessary at your job is not only unfair to your spouse, it’s unfair to you as well.

4. You ignore your spouse as soon as you walk in the door. Are you so strung out from work that you can’t bear to greet your partner when you walk in the door? Do you need a half hour or longer alone before you can interact? If this sounds like you, find another way to wind down from the office before you head home. Whether it’s working out at the gym or just singing loudly in your car on your commute, it’s vital to not take out your stress on your partner as soon as you get home.

Always remember, your job is not your life. Make sure you take your time at home as seriously as you do at your office; you and your partner will both be happier for it. And if you find it difficult to change any of these aspects of your life, talk to a Portland marriage counselor to get your priorities straight.