Marriage Therapy: Knowing Why Sex Dries Up Can Help

June 17, 2011 by

Marriage therapy can help you get the love you want by showing you how to improve your sex life. And if you’re like many people in a long-term relationship, that kind of help can’t come soon enough. A report in The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy found that 54 percent of men and 42 percent of women are unhappy with the amount of sex with their significant other. That kind of dissatisfaction can cause a lot of relationship problems!

But contrary to how it feels, your partner isn’t making a conscious choice to lose interest in sex. The blame rests with our biology and in our brains’ “reward” circuitry. Put simply, we have a genetic predisposition to spread our genes around. When a relationship is new, our brains encourage us to go for it by supplying copious amounts of dopamine that make the sex seem that much better. Unfortunately, after the initial surge – once we’ve settle down into an actual relationship – those dopamine surges stop, and sex can feel like going through the motions. That’s where marriage therapy can help.

Why Marriage Therapy Is Important

Though it is extremely common for the frequency of sex to slow down for couples in a long-term relationship, it’s difficult not to take it personally when it happens to you. A refusal to have sex or even a lack of interest during the act by your partner can cause a lot of hurt feelings, anger, and a desire to stray. If you’re not getting the love you want, you’re likely to start resenting your partner and all sorts of relationship problems can be exacerbated.

Where marriage therapy can help is in removing the blame from this issue and showing you how to work around it to avoid more relationship problems. First off, recognize that this issue is normal and biological, and getting the love that you want will only come from looking for solutions, not creating more problems.

Some couples make attempts to “spice up” their sex life by trying new things. This can lead to short-term satisfaction, but often does not address the disconnection that they couple feels. Actually learning to communicate with one another in a way that connects you and makes you feel close, will lead to physical closeness. All that talking during dating did lead to sex. Now your talks may lead to conflict. We can help you fix that negative spiral.

Whatever strategy you try, remember that your mate’s lack of enthusiasm for sex is just as involuntary as your need for more sex. Understand what’s really going on and work toward getting the love that you want in life through marriage therapy. Visit our website and see if we can be of help to you in learning how to communicate in a truly sexy manner.