Portland, Oregon Marriage Counselor on Improving your Libido, Part I: Female Viagra still doesn’t work, but Brain has Solutions

June 24, 2010 by

As a Portland, Oregon marriage counselor I’m always looking for relationship advice to pass along. Researchers haven’t discovered any pharmaceutical miracles yet to increase women’s sexual desire, but luckily there are things that can be done naturally. I’m not against creating a “female Viagra” type drug, because I know how painful and potentially destructive low sexual desire can be in a relationship. Discovering a safe aphrodisiac could relieve heartache and save marriages.

Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist who specializes in love and romance has some interesting things to say in an article in Oprah magazine. Fisher points out, and this marriage counselor agrees, that the most powerful aphrodisiacs are located in our bodies. Fisher’s relationship advice is that our libido is affected by three brain systems: lust, trust and love, and we can improve on the functioning of each system.

Portland, Oregon Marriage Counselor Suggests that You Can Naturally Improve Your Sex Drive

Each system has its own hormone that increases the libido. Let’s look at what Fisher says about each one.

Lust: Lust comes primarily from testosterone. Women have this hormone too, and its presence increases sexual desire. One way of increasing your level of testosterone is to play a competitive sport. Women get a big boost in testosterone levels from competition. Also, making love increases production, so the more you make love, the more you will want to make love.

Trust: Feelings of trust and attachment are fostered by the hormone oxytocin and women have more sex drive when they feel safe and attached. Oxytocin administered to arguing couples, has the effect of relieving their conflict. The better you get along, the more you will feel like making love. You can stimulate oxytocin production naturally with touch. Take this relationship advice: hold hands while you watch TV, trade massages or cuddle in bed.

Love: The last hormone that affects your sex drive is dopamine, a key player in the brain's pleasure center that's been found to promote romantic love. In my role as a marriage counselor I am keenly aware that once the novelty wears off for a couple, their sex life is in jeopardy. Read what Fisher has to say about the effect of novelty on your libido, “Research shows that novelty—taking risks or trying something new—can trigger the release of dopamine in the brain. I'm not just talking about novelty in the bedroom (although that would be a good start). You can get the same effect from sampling a new type of cuisine together or riding the roller coaster at an amusement park.” Wow, who would have thought that trying one of Portland’s fabulous restaurants might end up with a homemade dessert!

Next week, look for Part II of Improving your Libido.

To read Fisher’s article, see this link: Oprah article. For more free relationship advice visit our page: Free Resources. For a quality marriage counselor in Portland, Oregon, give us a call at Portland Relationship Center.