Maybe you, like millions of Americans, have joined the audience of the new television show, The Marriage Ref. Although a specialist in marriage counseling, I haven’t watched the show and I mixed feelings about the premise. As a marriage counselor I do not usually see couple’s problems as a laughing matter.

However, I did read a very interesting snippet of an interview with the show’s host, Tom Papa. When asked the question, “Have you been watching and analyzing all your couple friends’ fights since starting this gig?” Papa answered, “You know what’s funny? When my wife and I start arguing now – after watching all these other couples and writing jokes about them – it’s so hard not to feel idiotic in any argument.”

I loved that answer. I loved it because if you work with a good marriage counselor you come to a point where you hear yourself in an argument and the whole thing does suddenly seem idiotic. One of the definitions of idiocy is “senselessness”. When you understand that an unmet need for connection drives most arguments, the more senseless the fighting becomes. The more you understand that your partner just needs to feel heard, the more you want to stop quarreling and just listen.

When couples come to this realization, whether through their marriage counseling or while laughing at the problems of others, it is great to see them get to the “this is idiotic” stage. When you leave the stage of “you are an idiotic” and reach “I am acting idiotically”, you are half way to moving on from your marriage problems and finding your way to reconnection with your sweetie. This marriage counselor is thrilled at being able to help stop the senseless arguing and replace it with successful connection.

When you need marriage counseling, please check out our services by reading more about us. Also be sure to check out our free resources, which can start helping you today.