Improving your Libido, Part II: What you can do to Increase your Libido

July 6, 2010 by

Being a marriage counselor in Portland, Oregon, means that I talk to couples and individuals regularly about improving their sexual desire. Sex drive has many contributing factors. Web MD suggests that there are 12 major areas that are “Sex Drive Killers” for women and men:

  • Stress
  • Relationship Problems
  • Alcohol
  • Parenting (privacy problems)
  • Too little sleep
  • Medication
  • Body image
  • Obesity
  • Low testosterone
  • Depression
  • Menopause
  • Too little intimacy (talking, snuggling, hand holding)

What Portland, Oregon Marriage Counselor Believes You Can Do

If you are experiencing a low sex drive you should first see your doctor and determine if there may be hormonal or other physical problems. If you are not sleeping well be sure to let your doctor know that as well. It could be a problem with your lifestyle, but also it could be health related. If you take an anti-depressant you can consult your prescriber about the possible side effects.

If you are struggling with depression, relationship problems, self-esteem issues, stress or parenting problems you should talk to a Portland, Oregon marriage counselor such as me. If I am not the right fit for you, I will make an appropriate referral.

Some women don’t feel that they fit any of the categories above, but still have lost their sex drive. There are some simple and effective things you can try if this is the case for you.

  • Think more often about sex. Men think about sex frequently and automatically. Women do not.  Maybe because we are encouraged not to, maybe it is biological. But when something is in your top-of-mind-awareness, it comes to mind easily. Think back during the day on some of the nicest sexual encounters you have had with your honey. Savor the memories.
  • Exercise regularly. Libido increases as you increase regularity and duration of cardio-vascular exercise.
  • Make out with your honey for ten minutes and see what comes of it. Relax and kiss, stroke each other's arms and let nature take its course. You may feel sexier, you may continue on and make love and lease of the benefit will be in the increase in oxytocin in your bloodstream.  It is a feel good and bonding hormone.
  • Make sure your partner knows what you need sexually. Too many women do not tell their partner’s how to make love to them. Your lover can’t read your mind. Share your “owner’s manual”!

A marriage counselor can help you with any of these issues that you relate to. Give us a call or visit our website for more free relationship advice.