Norene on Divorce After the Holidays

March 7, 2013 by

Be Careful…It’s Divorce Season Says Portland Relationship Counselor

During the months following the holidays there is a peak in the divorce rate.  Couples tell themselves that it will be easier on their children and their families if they don’t break up during the holidays. This may be true but the damage done to their children and families, and to each partner, will be significant no matter what month they divorce.

Consider this; most divorces are entirely preventable and unnecessary.  The number one reason couples divorce is because they can’t stand the conflict in the relationship. Conflict is inevitable in all committed relationships.  It would be impossible for you to find a lifelong partner who agreed with you at all times, always did things your way and read your mind in order to always meet your needs. Because you are like most people and want a committed relationship and there will be conflict, it stands to reason that you need to know how to have successful differences of opinion.

Avoid Divorce By Learning the Right Tools

Learning to have successful conflict requires some effort. You will need to read a book, attend an educational workshop or seek help from a certified couples counselor. Although it will take effort, you might be surprised how quickly and how well the effort pays off. As a Portland relationship counselor, I often hear the pleasant surprise from couples about how well they now communicate after a workshop or a few sessions.

If you are considering divorce, consider this: give your marriage one month of effort per year of the length of your relationship. I have been married 33 years, so I would give my marriage 3 years of hard work before I give up. You most likely will not need all of that time to realize some benefits, but a commitment to work hard for that length of time will motivate you to acquire tools, resolve resentments, gain insights and establish new positive habits.

Don’t fall prey to the divorce virus during the divorce season. Remember that divorce is avoidable. Take steps for “preventative care”, or if you have the bug already, contact us and we can help. Our therapists are well trained and have tools to start helping you today.