Portland Relationship Counselor says Conflict Should Lead to Connection Not Divorce

August 21, 2012 by

As a Portland relationship counselor, one of my greatest rewards and toughest challenges is instilling hope in couples that are struggling with despair. This is never an easy task when a couple has been in conflict for years and not sought help.

When divorce lawyers give couples a survey designed to understand why a couple is really divorcing, here is what they find; in the first spike in divorce rate that occurs between 5-7 years couples are calling it quits because they cannot stand their conflict.  The second spike occurs between 10-15 years and couples report that they have become too disconnected and lack intimacy.

Portland Relationship Counselor says there is Hope for Your Relationship

Of course couples eventually give up and divorce if they only communicate through conflict and are otherwise distant. If you don’t seek help when there are problems, then you will not have the opportunity to mine the gold that is hidden in your relationship issues.

Persian mystic Rumi said, “Where there is ruin, there is hope for a treasure.” There is no greater truth than this when it comes to understanding romantic relationship. All couples have conflict, because conflict is growth trying to happen. You didn’t marry your self; you married someone who invites you to finish the work of growing up. If you learn to use the conflict in a positive way that builds both self-awareness and intimacy, you will find the treasure buried in your problems.

Imago relationship counseling is designed to help you to turn conflict into connection. Sounds like a miracle I know, but it happens everyday in my session room. Conflict doesn’t have to lead to divorce; it can lead to greater connection. Let us teach you how. The quickest way is to attend our educational workshop for couples, Getting the Love You Want. You can also seek help from one of our well-trained counselors.