The study looked at the sexual activity and satisfaction of 806 older women. The median age of the participants was 67 years old, and 63% of the women were postmenopausal. Half of those participants who have a partner had been sexually active in the last four weeks, and 67.1% of these women reported that they achieved orgasm most of the time or always.

Regardless of partner status or sexual activity, 61% of the participants were satisfied with their overall sex life, and the oldest women in the study were most satisfied overall. In fact, those who were recently sexually active experienced orgasm satisfaction rates similar to the youngest participants.

One author of the study, Susan Trompeter, MD, offered this relationship advice: “Emotional and physical closeness to the partner may be more important than experiencing orgasm. A more positive approach to female sexual health focusing on sexual satisfaction may be more beneficial to women than a focus limited to female sexual activity or dysfunction.”

Seek Relationship Advice for Problems with Intimacy

If you are having problems connecting with your partner physically, it may be difficult to talk about your issues. Women and men experience sex differently and may have different desires and concerns, particularly as they age. Many couples find it helpful to go to Portland relationship counseling for relationship advice.

Portland Relationship Counselor: Sexually Healthy Marriage Secrets

In fact, experts on relationship and marriage problems have found that happy couples tend to do a number of things – sometimes automatically, sometimes with a bit of work – to keep their sex lives invigorated and humming along. These “moves” not only help to keep your sex life from petering out, but improve overall intimacy between couples.

Just do it. When my Portland relationship counselor clients tell me they haven’t had sex in months – or longer – my advice is often those three simple words: just do it. Often in our desire for sex to be “special,” we wait for an event and want it to be magical and Earth-shattering, but one common trait between happy, healthy couples is that they have sex regularly. Why? Because sex between partners makes you feel closer and more intimate with each other, which makes you feel better about your overall relationship. Now, this doesn’t mean that there’s a magic number for how often you should be having sex (some people need it every day; others are happy with once or twice a month), but it does mean that you should both be checking in with each other to make sure that you are sexually satisfied, and working to remedy it if one of you isn’t.

PDA. Touch. A lot. Especially when you’re not looking to have sex. Because if kissing or massaging always leads to sex, eventually one or both of you might start avoiding contact unless you are in the mood, and touching without sex will help maintain the closeness between you for those times when you can’t have sex.

Don’t withhold. If it’s one thing I’m sure of as a Portland relationship counselor, it’s that couples fight about anything and everything, and contrary to popular belief, this is actually a part of intimacy. We let ourselves be moodier with the ones we love because we feel comfortable doing so, and sometimes, it’s a healthy thing. But healthy couples never withhold sex out of anger or use it to barter with. In fact, kissing or cuddling during or right after a fight can actually bridge the divide between you and act as a nonverbal way of reinforcing that this fight – whatever it may be – isn’t going to destroy the love between you.

Know how to switch gears. For long term couples, being sexy with each other can get more and more difficult as life gets in the way. How do you move from paying bills, picking up dog poop, or rinsing baby spit-up off your shirt to getting intimate? Couples with the healthiest relationships tend to be playful with each other and find shorthand ways that signal to each other their desire to get intimate. It can be anything from pinching, tickling, teasing, or cuddling, to a simple raised eyebrow and acknowledgement that the kids are asleep.

If you are having marriage problems caused by sex, don’t be embarrassed to seek help from a knowledgeable Portland marriage counselor.

The vast majority of older couples I see complain to me that their sex life just isn’t what it used to be. Perhaps they’ve forgotten how to be as intimate as they once were after years of having kids around the house. Or they don’t feel attractive, so they don’t seek out sexual activity with their partner. Or maybe the fulfillment they were receiving in their career disappeared after they retired.

Whatever the reason, they now feel unfulfilled in their sex lives and it’s causing relationship issues. In the past, many professionals had been taught to explain that this is just something to be expected as they age, but new findings suggest that we shouldn’t be so quick to write off a healthy sex life.

Portland Marriage Counseling: There’s a Relationship between Sex and Happiness

Research shows that older people who have sex more than once a month are 50 percent more likely to describe themselves as “very happy” than those who haven’t engaged in sexual activity for a year or more. For those in marriages, only 59 percent of people who hadn’t had sex in a year said they were happy, compared to the nearly 80 percent who were having sex once a month. Perhaps even more interesting is that about 60 percent of those surveyed said that sex was more fulfilling after age 50 than it was when they were in their 20s and 30s!

In my sessions Portland marriage counseling, I’ve learned firsthand that sex isn’t just about sex. My older clients who engage in regular sexual activity are not only happier and more contented in their marriage, experiencing fewer relationship issues, they’re happier in their lives overall. Research has even shown that older couples who are still intimate regularly are more satisfied with their appearance than younger people, and have a better quality of life.

While there are completely valid reasons to refrain from sexual activity as we age, such as health problems, don’t give up on your sex life just because you feel like you and your spouse are too old. If you feel like you need help talking about your sex life with your spouse, try Portland marriage counseling.

Well, a Psychology professor at Ohio State decided to test that theory in a study, and discovered that those numbers might a little on the high side. The median daily number of times men thought about sex was just under 19 times a day. For comparison, women in the study reported thinking about sex 10 times a day. Still almost double, but not the huge disparity you might have been expecting.

What might be more interesting, though, is that men not only think about sex more than women, but also eating and sleeping – essentially, biological needs. Looking at it this way, we can start to see how these differences in thinking might lead to relationship issues.

Relationship Issues: Do Men and Women Intrinsically Think Differently?

Another complaint I hear from women as a Portland marriage counselor is that their male partners don’t seem to understand or know how to deal with it when they are talking about their feelings. Based on this new research, it raises the question about whether this could be true simply because men aren’t thinking about those things in their own lives as much.

None of this means that members of the opposite sex should give up on each other, however. While the potential differences in the way we think may cause more relationship issues, learning about them gives us the opportunity to be more understanding and work harder to come together in ways that work for both partners. Perhaps if women engage men on a more concrete, physical level, and men can seek out their feelings when talking to their wives and girlfriends, everyone will get along better. It certainly seems simple and straightforward – which is exactly the problem I have with it.

We’re More Alike Than We Think, Says Portland Marriage Counselor

While the simplicity of saying men think more about their biological needs is nice, the truth of the matter, like most relationship issues, may be a bit more complex.

The lead author of the study admits as much when she says that whether a participant was male or female wasn’t the best way to predict who would think about sex most frequently, rather “you’d be better off knowing their emotional orientation toward sexuality.”

And later she says that women who tested higher on wanting to appear socially acceptable tended to report fewer thoughts of sex, which indicates that they are under-reporting their sexual thoughts because of what they think of as “typical expectations for women” – namely, that women aren’t supposed to think about sex as much. Interestingly, as they tried to meet societal expectations, those expectations for men – 8,000 sex thoughts a day?! – were proven to be incredibly overblown.

If you feel like you and your significant other are having relationship issues due to societal pressures, contact a Portland marriage counselor today.

But that media-reinforced ideal wasn’t set by your spouse, and it wasn’t set by you. So why are you letting it get between you? If you aren’t feeling as sexy as you used to, talk to your partner about it. It’s likely he or she is going through something similar. After all, you’re both aging. Share what you find sexy about your spouse, and ask that he or she do the same for you.

Another way to feel more confident in your own body is to take care of it. Eat healthy, exercise regularly, and visit your doctor regularly. Consider this not just good medical advice but also good relationship advice. As a Portland marriage counselor, I’ve seen that when my clients are feeling more in control of their bodies it helps them to feel sexier too.

Talk to a Portland Marriage Counselor to Improve Your Self-Image

Your body is constantly changing from the moment you are born until the day you leave this Earth. Learn to be grateful for these changes and to appreciate all the stages your body goes through. If you find yourself disbelieving that your partner finds you sexy, consider that this is likely more a reflection about how you feel than how your partner feels. In this case, it may be helpful to talk to a Portland marriage counselor.

Portland Marriage Counselor says that Hormones Help Intimacy

Oxytocin makes couples feel relaxed and safe which in turn opens up more emotional sharing. Couples who cuddle more, feel more bonded and that connection creates attachment. Attachment helps couples to look out for one another, rather than hurt one another. It is more difficult to hurt a partner with whom you feel connected.

My years of marriage counseling in Portland have shown me that couples that have a hard time with emotional closeness rely on sex alone to bring connection. These couples may miss out on other levels of intimacy that are even more vital to continued connection.

Oxytocin is so successful at creating connection, that a couple can spend twenty minutes cuddling before a serious discussion about kids or money, and avert conflict.

If conflict happens more than cuddling in your relationship, let us help. Seeking marriage counseling from a certified Portland marriage counselor can help you to reinforce your bond and protect your marriage.

But contrary to how it feels, your partner isn’t making a conscious choice to lose interest in sex. The blame rests with our biology and in our brains’ “reward” circuitry. Put simply, we have a genetic predisposition to spread our genes around. When a relationship is new, our brains encourage us to go for it by supplying copious amounts of dopamine that make the sex seem that much better. Unfortunately, after the initial surge – once we’ve settle down into an actual relationship – those dopamine surges stop, and sex can feel like going through the motions. That’s where marriage therapy can help.

Why Marriage Therapy Is Important

Though it is extremely common for the frequency of sex to slow down for couples in a long-term relationship, it’s difficult not to take it personally when it happens to you. A refusal to have sex or even a lack of interest during the act by your partner can cause a lot of hurt feelings, anger, and a desire to stray. If you’re not getting the love you want, you’re likely to start resenting your partner and all sorts of relationship problems can be exacerbated.

Where marriage therapy can help is in removing the blame from this issue and showing you how to work around it to avoid more relationship problems. First off, recognize that this issue is normal and biological, and getting the love that you want will only come from looking for solutions, not creating more problems.

Some couples make attempts to “spice up” their sex life by trying new things. This can lead to short-term satisfaction, but often does not address the disconnection that they couple feels. Actually learning to communicate with one another in a way that connects you and makes you feel close, will lead to physical closeness. All that talking during dating did lead to sex. Now your talks may lead to conflict. We can help you fix that negative spiral.

Whatever strategy you try, remember that your mate’s lack of enthusiasm for sex is just as involuntary as your need for more sex. Understand what’s really going on and work toward getting the love that you want in life through marriage therapy. Visit our website and see if we can be of help to you in learning how to communicate in a truly sexy manner.

In my couples counseling I often explain that the first step of a very pleasant sexual encounter doesn’t have to be desire, it can be willingness. This article explains why.  In one study 30% of women in a study said that felt little or no libido (sexual desire). What researcher Rosemary Basson, M.D., discovered in interviews with hundreds of women is that, “Contrary to the conventional model, for many women, desire is not the cause of lovemaking, but rather, its result.  Women,” Basson explains, ‘often begin sexual experiences feeling sexually neutral.’ But as things heat up, so do they and they eventually experience desire.”

Why Do Women Make Love asks Portland Marriage Counselor

Basson’s found that women have sex for reasons other than desire, and that the desire follows being willing to engage in arousing behaviors. Women make love to please their partner, prevent strife, make-up after conflict and most of all to feel close and intimate. There are many times of course that women feel sexual longing and initiate sex or accept their partner’s overtures out of pure physical desire. Either way it doesn’t matter.

The article offers interesting information and is worth reading. The author looks at what kind of sexual experiences women need to move from “sexually neutral” to sexually aroused. He emphasizes that sex that fuels desire is leisurely, playful, sensual lovemaking based on whole-body caressing.

Offering couples counseling for 30 years, has taught me that the reasons you make love are much less important than the fact that you do make love, regularly and often.

To get help with your relationship on matters of communication, conflict and intimacy, call us for a  good Portland marriage counselor. Visit our website for information on counselors, to set up a free consultation or sign up for a workshop.

When I read that question something rang true. In my Portland marriage counseling practice I encounter couple’s difficulties with maintaining a happy sex life. In the hunt for a medical treatment for low female libido, of which the author says several companies are closing in, are we over looking how life style and priorities are affecting sex drive?

Don’t overlook the effect of stress, warns Portland marriage counselor

I suspect we do tend to overlook the effect stress and media messages have on libido. Tension from the pressure to succeed is not really an aphrodisiac. Hollywood no longer gives us impressions of sensuality as voluptuous and enticing. Instead we are exposed to graphic sexuality and unreasonably thin, buffed and flawless bodies. Is our sexual appetite waning because we are burnt out and desensitized to the real human form?

Ultimately if your relationship is suffering from a loss of intimacy, you could consider getting help and resources from a reputable source. Understanding what causes a problem is 50% of solving it. Don’t get stuck in the trend that Paglia calls “No sex please, we are middle-class”.  Don’t forget to check out what this Portland marriage counselor created in free resources for you.

• Stress
• Relationship Problems
• Alcohol
• Parenting (privacy problems)
• Too little sleep
• Medication
• Body image
• Obesity
• Low testosterone
• Depression
• Menopause
• Too little intimacy (talking, snuggling, hand holding)

What Portland, Oregon Marriage Counselor Believes You Can Do

If you are experiencing a low sex drive you should first see your doctor and determine if there may be hormonal or other physical problems. If you are not sleeping well be sure to let your doctor know that as well. It could be a problem with your lifestyle, but also it could be health related. If you take an anti-depressant you can consult your prescriber about the possible side effects.

If you are struggling with depression, relationship problems, self-esteem issues, stress or parenting problems you should talk to a Portland, Oregon marriage counselor such as me. If I am not the right fit for you, I will make an appropriate referral.

Some women don’t feel that they fit any of the categories above, but still have lost their sex drive. There are some simple and effective things you can try if this is the case for you.

• Think more often about sex. Men think about sex frequently and automatically. Women do not.  Maybe because we are encouraged not to, maybe it is biological. But when something is in your top-of-mind-awareness, it comes to mind easily. Think back during the day on some of the nicest sexual encounters you have had with your honey. Savor the memories.
• Exercise regularly. Libido increases as you increase regularity and duration of cardio-vascular exercise.
• Make out with your honey for ten minutes and see what comes of it. Relax and kiss, stroke each other’s arms and let nature take its course. You may feel sexier, you may continue on and make love and lease of the benefit will be in the increase in oxytocin in your bloodstream.  It is a feel good and bonding hormone.
• Make sure your partner knows what you need sexually. Too many women do not tell their partner’s how to make love to them. Your lover can’t read your mind. Share your “owner’s manual”!

A marriage counselor can help you with any of these issues that you relate to. Give us a call or visit our website for more free relationship advice.