Let’s Stick Together: the Relationship Book for New Parents is about to be released and is written by Harry Benson. In an interview with Mr. Benson he stated, “Family breakdown causes untold heartache, and can contribute to poverty and adverse mental and physical health. It occurs most often in the early years of parenthood, when a couple’s relationship is especially vulnerable as their main focus shifts from each other to their children, at a stressful, busy and often exhausting time. By a child’s 5th birthday, 1 in 3 unmarried parents and 1 in 12 married parents have split up.” (More in a future blog about why it might be that unmarried parents have such a higher casualty rate.)

To this marriage counselor, those are unacceptable statistics! The book focuses on a wide range of areas, including good and bad habits, love languages, and fathers’ involvement, all of which will help couples to safeguard their relationship at this vulnerable time.

Marriage Counseling-Sleep Disturbances

One of the very common issues I hear about in my marriage counseling is that of the sleep disturbances of parents of young children. Couples report feeling exhaustion, frustration, despair and irritability. The sleepless nights do nothing to enhance the intimacy and emotional connection of the couple. Sleeping through the Night, by Jodi Mindell, PhD has been given rave reviews by parents and by the OHSU Sleep Disorders Center of Portland. Getting enough sleep is critical, and if we don’t get enough we can become critical. Any marriage counselor can attest to the damage infant and toddlers sleep disturbances does to a marriage.

Safeguard your marriage by attending a marriage education workshop such as ours (attend one of our workshops) and then consider entering marriage counseling for the best results. The combination of education, self study (reading on your own) and marriage counseling can’t be beat. Let us know if we can help.

Be the 1 in 3 couple who is still together after navigating the early years of parenting!

First, recognize that adolescence is a developmental stage where teenager issues will come up inevitably and dealing with teens is a challenge. During this time, your child is driven to learn about intimacy and relationships not academics. They are “practicing adults”, not yet capable of full self-sufficiency. The way teenagers learn to be adults is by pulling away from their parents to find their own identity. They will explore the
world more and more on their own terms. This is the nature of this
stage. Parents can ease their own anxiety by recognizing this
developmental pulse as normal.

Second, if you want your teenager to listen, model it first. Be
curious about your teenagers thinking, feelings, ideas and adolescent problems. If they don’t want to talk, tell them what you “imagine” they might be
thinking and allow them to respond. Knowing that you have a clue
about what they might be going through often opens the door for them
to express their feelings.

Third, avoid the temptation to interrupt, interpret, or make
comments. Instead, check to make sure they feel listened to and
understood. If not, ask them to clarify until they feel understood.

Teenager Issues On Listening – Parting Shot

Lastly, ask if you can share your thoughts. In dealing with teens, it is almost universal that teenagers will listen when they feel “heard” first. Be careful
not to judge or criticize. They will stop listening. Instead, state
your concerns as questions. Ask—“How will you handle…?” or “what are
your thoughts about…?”  Then follow with your comments about what you
might do differently. End with, “I hope you’ll give it some thought.”

Learning to listen first gives your teen the feeling that you are
safe to talk to about their struggles and problems. Paradoxically,
they will return the favor and you will have less teenager issues.