As a marriage counselor I see far too much blame. Blame hurts, it kills love and it isn’t correct and useful information for your spouse.  Consider my relationship advice on how to stop the Blame Game:

Realize when you find yourself blaming your partner that you have unexpressed feelings or needs. Ask yourself, “what are my [...]

Marriage counselors in Portland, Oregon, work regularly with step family issues in order to help couples succeed at remarriage.  The divorce rate in couples who remarry with children is even higher that the rate for first marriages. There is an excellent collection of free resources for step families at the website , Empowering Parents, including [...]

One of my esteemed colleagues in the field, marriage counselor Dr. Bill Doherty, has some interesting thoughts on the lessons to be learned from last week’s public marriage news of the rich and famous. I will highlight some of Dr. Doherty’s points, but to read his full comments please follow the link to his blog: [...]

Marriage counselors often hear a couple’s pain over unmet expectations. “And the two shall become one…” words that most of us have heard from the Bible at a wedding ceremony, exemplify some common expectations. Does this mean that our marriage union will become the focus of our lives?  What happens when partners have different ideas [...]

I imagine the Gores did try marriage counseling. But did they get the right kind of relationship help? We will probably never know, but this Monday Morning Quarterback wonders if they sought help that had all three essential components: tools, structure and education? It made me sad to hear of their separation and [...]

Two studies in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin claims shyness can influence the quality of an ongoing relationship – even one as important as marriage. Good relationship advice might be to consider the impact of your personality on your marriage. Marriage counselors are keenly aware of the extent to which a person’s personality determines the [...]

An article in a British newspaper warned what marriage counselors have known for a long time,  that if the man of the house is less happy than his wife then the couple are much less likely to split up. On the other hand if the husband is much happier than his wife, then his wife [...]

What marriage counselors know: Personal Happiness Comes from Successful Marriages. Sandra Bullock’s Happiness Trade: Is it better to win a prestigious award or have a husband who won’t cheat on you?
Columnist David Brooks gives us statistics on what makes people truly happy. Hint: it isn’t money or fame. As marriage counselors have always known, it is a happy intimate relationship.

In marriage counseling we see that the biggest mistake couples make in their communication is blaming one another. Imago Relationship theory takes this one step further and asks us to stop all blame, shame and criticism.  When I first heard this I wondered if I was ever going to be able to talk to my [...]

Maybe you, like millions of Americans, have joined the audience of the new television show, The Marriage Ref. Although a specialist in marriage counseling, I haven’t watched the show and I mixed feelings about the premise. As a marriage counselor I do not usually see couple’s problems as a laughing matter.
However, I did read a [...]